Still
by Darkhymns
Summary: It's too intimate at times, knowing someone like this. Sheena wasn't ready for it.


**Written for Tales of Symphonia Week 2017 on tumblr.**

 **Oct. 11th - The True You**

 **(Yes, it's way overdue, but better late than never?)**

* * *

She didn't free-fall for long before he grabbed her hand.

When Sheena came to, she was still half-floating in shadows. Her neck was craned at an odd angle, looking down at her feet that hung over an overarching maw of darkness. She remembered this - from when she had fell into the chasm, pulled in by roots, and told Lloyd to go.

He did, and then she fell.

With hesitation, Sheena raised her eyes. The brightness of him contrasted so heavily within the darkness, that she felt almost blinded. Red hair imprinted its shape into her vision, but nothing was as stunning as the spans of golden light that extended from his back.

"Yo, hunny." He winked as he easily raised her up by the wrist. Before she knew it, she was cradled within his arms, unmindful at all to the debris and sweat that still clung to her clothes. "Still falling for me, I see."

Sheena didn't say anything, but he didn't wait for her reply. With a downward swing of those makeshift wings – their mana so prevalent that even she could feel it, with what little elven blood she retained through her ancestry – they ascended. There was the shattered bridge, and the singed remains of the plant that had tried to drag her down. Bundles of its roots lay curled up by the sides of the chasm, looking finally to be dead.

Once Zelos touched the ground, she immediately leapt from his arms.

"Whoa, not even a thank you?"

She looked at him again. Out here in the light, with no one around. They could have all disappeared. They could have died. Lloyd could already be dead. But she could only fixate on Zelos, not a strand of his hair barely out of line. The wings on his back were a reminder, and just the sight of them around him gave her a giant headache.

Zelos noticed her stare. The wings dissipated like mist.

"Did you help the others?" she asked him then. She tried to restrain herself from fidgeting, tried to forget the rate of her heartbeat as she had fallen, believing for certain that she wouldn't recover.

"Yeah." His voice took that tone again, back within the tower. "At least the ones on the way to here." Low and with barely any texture. There were few instances she had ever heard him speak like that, and in those instances, she had thought she knew him.

She thought a lot of things, didn't she?

"And Lloyd?"

He shrugged, smiling again. "Not yet. But my bud's moving fast. Only got a bit of time to catch up. And I'm sure the others probably ran into some traps. This place is tricky like that."

Sheena wanted to yell at him then, but she didn't. She nodded, holding the feeling in her palms until it sunk inside her. Though she followed Zelos as he led her out of this maze of a place, those wings couldn't leave her mind. So bright and deadly and different – nothing like she had ever thought of him at all.

* * *

 _He had been such a loudmouth._

" _So, you're the voluptuous ninja from Mizuho, huh?" Outside of that sickeningly large mansion, Zelos stood outside to interview with her, the Exsphere on his chest gleaming. It reflected the sun, making her eyes ache. Already she had to restrain the urge to smack his face, but it was her first visit to Meltokio, and it was probably considered rude for a foreigner to hit the much-admired Chosen._

" _Excuse me, but…" she started. "Voluptuous?"_

" _Hey, it's a compliment!" He snapped his fingers at her, grinning way too happily. "And it's a good sign. Means you got a better chance of passing."_

 _She had just gone through the three-hour 'conversation' with the Pope. Surely she could handle anything after that ordeal. But she had to get the supposed blessings from those high up in the Church hierarchy before she could get started. Mizuho needed allies, and support from Meltokio would be incredibly beneficial. This was at least a task that there was no way she could mess up on._

 _All she had to do was play nice._

" _Well, need my qualifications? I've told the Pope pretty much everything… Shouldn't we be having this interview inside?"_

 _She flinched inwardly. Why did she make this harder than it needed to be?_

" _Nah, that's too formal. Besides, thought I'd give you a tour of our fair city. We don't get too many country folk like you around. It's charming!"_

 _An eyebrow twitched. "Huh, wonder why."_

" _And anyway…" he walked off, and suddenly she had to follow. She could smell the cologne reach her from several feet away, probably carried from his thick, red hair. "Not like I care enough who you really are anyway. You work for the Pope, I get that."_

 _He said this as he waved to some high-class ladies, their voices flittering through the paper fans they held over their faces._

" _I work for Mizuho," she corrected him. "And through them, I get the King's requests."_

" _Right, so the Pope basically."_

" _You're always this charming yourself?"_

 _He stopped beside the pavilion in front of the theater, then turned to face her fully. "I'm only here to figure out the real you."_

 _His eyes were hard, and that smile from before had vanished from his face. He had instantly transformed into someone very intimidating._

"… _Okay," she responded. "Then who is the real me then?"_

 _In all honesty, she wouldn't have minded an answer._

 _A muscled arm circled around her shoulders, bringing her in close._

" _My new voluptuous hunny! So innocent to the world, looking for guidance from the great Chosen himself!" He basically had her in a full embrace that she had not consented to. His voice went low with a purr. "And as my new hunny, there's only so much to teach you…"_

 _She decided to take her chances, and elbowed him in the solar plexus._

* * *

Just a trick it had all been. An elaborate joke, played on both sides, so that he could get the key needed for Lloyd to achieve his idealistic goals. Of course. That was why she was here, too. Why she had swallowed her fear and faced Volt, despite losing another friend because of her cowardice. The trove of jewels she carried with her were a testament to that, to all the Summon Spirits that would rise to her with a whisper.

Yet in the elven village, she couldn't sleep.

The place was quiet and secluded, much like Mizuho. But the trees that surrounded them were not like those of Goaracchia Forest. The trees didn't pack together, and the boughs didn't twist around themselves. They instead spread far, like wide and open-spaced fingers, allowing the sunshine to touch the soil. It was not a place guarded by shadows, though she wondered if there was much of a difference with the light. Either way, one would still get lost – has been lost.

Sheena had left her room, walking aimlessly around the windmill in the center of Heimdall, staring uneasily into the dark, before she decided to go see Lloyd.

He would tell her what she needed to know, take away that confusion, and give her back some purpose. It's what he'd always been able to do for her. She pulled her sleeve over the bells strapped to her wrist, hushing their chimes, and took a deep breath of the night air. She had missed her opportunity at Flanoir – she wouldn't miss this one.

 _Just like she would bend Volt to her whim at the young age of ten. Just like she would be the most graceful shinobi from Mizuho. Just like she would kill the Chosen for the sake of Tethe'alla._

She had barely made it past the side of the inn before catching his eye.

"What the _hell?_ "

Zelos held up both his hands, laughing carelessly, not caring who he would wake. "Hey, relax! Can't a guy just watch the stars once in a while?" He was standing underneath the overhanging roof, draped within shadows that even the brightness of his hair was muted.

She took a step back, shifting her momentum to the north, to –

"You missed your chance, you know." Zelos shrugged. "Bud's already got an appointment."

She held the feeling in her palms, but had nowhere to set it down.

* * *

 _The first time she met Seles, it had been an awkward affair. The South East Abbey was not very large, with only two floors in its whole structure. The Chosen did not need to go on any pilgrimage, not in these flourishing times, yet he apparently visited this particular House of Guidance every few months or so. Sebastian had given her the coordinates on her routine trip to Meltokio, asking if she would like to meet with Master Zelos at the appointed place._

 _She had been given the task – by many sources – to watch Zelos' movements. This only worked in her favor._

" _Man, what are they feeding you in this place?" Zelos asked, pushing away his plate. He sat with a Seles at a small dining table in her room, only big enough to seat two people. The meal consisted of mashed potatoes, some unidentified meat, and a heaping of greens. It was a small room, decently furnished with a polished oak dresser, several chests for storage, a nightstand, and a plush bed. The only window of the room was narrow, chiseled through the thick stone walls, but it gave an open view of the sea that surrounded the entirety of the Abbey._

" _Whatever my body won't react violently to." Seles continued eating her portion. She wore a large bonnet-like hat that dwarfed her small stature. That was what Sheena had first noticed. The sister was so very short in comparison to her brother._

" _Are you alright there? You're not hungry yourself?" Seles suddenly asked her. Sheena flinched from her position against the wall. It was hard to observe in silence when you had to do so out in the open._

" _I…I ate already," she added lamely._

 _Zelos, meanwhile seemed to completely ignore her presence. "I'm sure you can handle some fried shrimp once in a while." He winked at Seles. "Hey, can even sneak some in for you."_

" _We are not allowed to accept outside foods, you know." She didn't look at her brother, keeping her eyes rooted to her plate. "Our diet is strict. And for all I know, it might kill me."_

 _Zelos didn't react. He leaned back in his wooden chair, his face suddenly impassive and incredibly familiar to Sheena. "Yeah… there's a lot of strict things around here, isn't there?"_

 _Seles folded the napkin on her lap, fitting it better over her knees. "I suppose I don't notice to be honest. But it's not like I have any other choice."_

 _There was something to be said here._

 _The small dinner soon ended, thankfully. Sheena had almost wished she hadn't come along. She didn't want to get involved in weird family squabbles like this. She wasn't even sure why Zelos wanted her along in the first place._

 _Zelos and Seles stood, making small talk, meaningless inquiries, and their eyes always shifting. Seles really did seem so frail, her shoulders slim and pale through the open section of her white sleeves._

" _Seles, I need you to do me a favor."_

 _The girl's eyes widened in confusion. Sheena then caught the glint of something in Zelos' hand. A piece of jewelry? A gald piece? But he deftly transferred it to Seles' outstretched hand, until it became buried under her clothes, or a clenching of her fingers, or maybe even just by a trick of the light._

" _You will visit again?" Seles then asked her brother. Her hands folded before her, just over her waist._

 _Zelos answered with a shrug. "I guess so."_

" _If you must."_

 _Another length of silence._

 _Zelos had already walked away, past Sheena and out through the open door. It caught her off-guard, especially with his face – some strange portrait of stone-carved misery, with only the vague recollections of a smile. The look in his eyes weren't directed at anyone, but they were sharp and probing, and it made her worry suddenly for his well-being._

 _By the time he was far down the hallway, Seles spoke to her again._

" _You," came the voice, hard as flint. "Witch."_

 _Sheena turned to her with surprise. "What?"_

" _I know why he brought you here. I only say this as a warning." Seles stood up straight, even though she shivered from some unknown chill. A sickness. Another glint of an Exsphere blinked in Sheena's vision, originating from Seles' left wrist. "Do not hurt him."_

" _I don't… What are you talking about?"_

 _But Seles had already seated herself on her bed, looking through a prayer book that had been conveniently nearby. Pointedly ignoring her._

 _The soft twinkling of bells drew her attention again. She found Corrine at her feet before he started traveling up her legs with ease, finally perching himself on her shoulder. His curled tails bobbed gently against her hair. "Zelos says he's waiting for you."_

 _Seles made no other motion, not even the turning of a page._

 _Sheena could barely make sense of this stranger here; would she able to for the one downstairs?_

* * *

"You know," came Colette's voice, carried by the night wind. "It still feels strange. The fact that I'm still here, talking."

In response, came Lloyd's. "How come?"

Sheena sat behind the inn, her form hidden by stores of food in clay jars, tied up lumber, and other supplies for the village. Next to her, Zelos stood, his eyes riveted to the forest that now housed only shadows with the disappearance of the sun.

Neither talked yet, not until they heard Lloyd and Colette walk further from the inn, following the river to the secluded glade.

"You were going to talk to him, too?" Sheena questioned through the silence.

Zelos only gave her a shrug. "Not sure. But being a night owl is a thing a lot of us share."

She didn't want to answer. She tried to wrench her eyes from his back, but it was all she could see, looming before her, with the afterimage of gold burned in her eyes.

"Probably for the best we didn't catch him earlier though." Zelos slightly turned to face her, teeth in a grin. "Don't want to make little miss angel sad and lose her chance."

"Stop talking."

The air was too still. She didn't like that Lloyd's voice was gone. She didn't like that Colette's voice left with him. Seated on the ground, arms wrapped over her knees, she shivered.

"Stop acting like nothing's changed."

Zelos shifted, but not much else. She made the mistake of looking at his face again, finding that same stranger staring back at her. All so carefully arranged, lips set in a firm line.

If she held her breath, she could hear those other voices from across the river, just slightly.

"You once said you were trying to figure out the real me," she continued. Hands clenched again. "Then who am I? What do you see?"

She would not cry, even though every nerve inside her raged to let it flow.

Zelos' face changed again, losing the hardness to let him raise an eyebrow, for his lips to shift. One hand pressed against his chin in a curious gesture.

"Like someone unsure who to trust next."

Sheena leapt to her feet. Her right hand curled into a fist. The bells around her fingers chimed.

"Hey! Wait a secon-"

"You really are an idiot! If it had been your plan all along to get the Aionis, you would have told us! Or told _someone_ at least!" Her heels dug into the grass, needing to be rooted so that she wouldn't be compelled to tackle him through the chest. "I know that just one wrong word from someone would have been enough to push you. Right?"

The flash in his eyes let her know she had struck the beginnings of a secret.

First Kuchinawa, now him. Why did things continue to go wrong?

There was… she wouldn't call it unpleasant, but a soft disconcerting look in his face. His body stayed relaxed, no longer flinching from Sheena's stance, or her trembling fists. "You know me, Sheena. That's something I still can't get used to."

This didn't help at all.

"Stop lying to me. I don't know anything, especially you. I don't know why I ever thought you were actually a good person deep down. You're just like how you act – selfish and cruel and not caring about anyone else! You were really going to sell us out, weren't you? You were going to throw out all the work we'd done!"

Zelos smiled again, weakly. "It's not been an easy year."

She was going to cry. She hated this, and she hated him. "You're not the only one hurting!"

The moonlight shone brightly against the trees, making of him a silhouette. "Easy to forget."

She heard something from across the river. "You don't have to worry anymore…" There's almost nothing that she wouldn't give to believe something like that, to know that kind of comfort.

"Sheena," Zelos started again. He made no motion toward her, keeping his distance. "Do you wanna know why I came out here?"

"To see Lloyd," she answered automatically, then winced. No, she had been thinking about herself-

"Yeah, though it's just to make up for a missed meeting last time. Had a speech prepared and everything… But then I overslept." He shook his head in mock disappointment. "Can't help that the Great Zelos Wilder needs his beauty rest."

There was something in his words that made her latch onto them, enough to completely brush aside his obnoxious bragging. "Last time?" Her brain instantly made the connections. "Flanoir?"

Zelos seemed pleased at that. "We just keep missing our chances."

The snow had been too chill before.

"See? You know who I am."

"No, I don't know who you are," she said, remembering him in those shadows, carrying her and flying.

"A mistake," he answered easily. "Same as you, right?"

She no longer had the motivation to hit him. Everything about him was so incredibly sad.

He laughed, the tone light and boisterous, but empty. "Sometimes, I think everything would just be better off if it all… stopped. Just stopped. Everything. And when I think like that, it's easy to forget everybody else."

"That's wrong," she argued, not knowing why she bothered. "You keep going. You have to."

He shrugged. "I know, but it's such a hassle."

She turned away, facing those stores of food, the lumber, and the grass turned silver by the moonlight. "You're terrible."

But there was that gaping maw in her head, facing her, making her listless and adrift. She had purpose before, for a brief time. Where did all of that go all of a sudden?

"I know the real you now," she said, her voice even. "Broken."

"You already knew that, hunny." Zelos still laughed slightly, just behind her ear. "Broken but beautiful!"

She groaned. "You're not taking this seriously."

"I've never been more serious than now."

When she turned back around, they were back in their hue of gold. The wings spread wide, framing his hair, his shoulders, and lighting up the floor. Like the stored glow of sunshine that he had kept hidden away.

His hand was outstretched towards her. She stepped back.

"I'm not flying with you," she said. Too soon, too hard.

A wave of confusion passed his face. "Not what I was going to ask." A smirk graced his lips. "Is that what you were hoping for?"

"No!"

"Heh." He spread his arms magnanimously, the wings behind him moving in a slow cadence. "I'm just here to show you again the other side of the Great Zelos."

"Ugh, you are such an idiot!"

Those same arms lifted in surrender. "Okay, okay. Look, I just wanted to give you something. But also! I wanted you to have a last look at these babies-" he gestured to his wings, the afterimage of golden feathers fluttering from each steady flap, "-one last time."

Sometimes Sheena couldn't believe Zelos' audacity. Couldn't he see that-

"Sometimes, the more you see the true self of someone, the more you despise them," he spoke, softly. With his words, the wings faded away, like a bad dream. "But I'm glad you've seen me, all the same."

He reached again for her hand, which she didn't swat away. Something cold pressed against her palm, something that glinted from the light of his wings, like the reflection from stained-glass windows. There was a weight to it, and its shade was the same color as old blood, dried on her hands when she had begged the Chief to wake from her failure.

"…This is only meant to be held by the Chosen," she said, matter-of-factly. She raised her eyes, seeing the key crest on his chest empty. He looked so strange without anything there.

"I'm sure there's a loophole somewhere that it can go to whoever the Chosen deems worthy." He winked.

"There is literally no loophole that says-"

"Eh, whatever. It's not something I want to hang onto anyway." His face became of that same stone again, but this time she could begin to understand its secrets. "Seles held it for long enough. And Lloyd's probably not the best one for it."

She looked down at the object. The Orb held a tinge of gold. She closed her fingers around it, blocking out the light.

"Alright, glad I was your third choice then."

Zelos laughed. "See? You're the perfect keeper for it!"

Sheena knew the details of his life – at least those by information given to her, by public records that had been sent her way. The Chosen seeing the death of his mother, his father taking his own life, and his sister spirited away to a place far beyond his reach until he would be older. Those were the details, but she never wanted to look deeper than that. She could barely handle her own tragedies. It was only a matter of time before she messed up someone else's.

"I don't despise you," she told him. She hid the Orb underneath her sleeve. It was packed tightly next to the bells of another dear friend. "I just hate traitors more than anything else."

Zelos was still. He stood before her, eyes empty and lips firm.

She shrugged. "So, it's really lucky that you're not one. Technically."

Zelos snorted, but another laugh escaped his mouth anyway. "Yeah. Technically."

She wasn't even trying to listen to the two across the river, but their voices traveled. They were nice and dear to her, but the distraction was not something she wanted anymore.

"Maybe we should go somewhere else," she offered. "Like, a walk."

Zelos raised an eyebrow. "You want to go on a romantic stroll with the Great Zelos Wilder? Hunny, I've always known you had a thing for me."

She mock-sighed. "Sure. How about a stroll through the woods where no one can hear you scream in terror?"

"Now we're just moving too fast! At least let me buy you dinner first."

With a sorta-soft punch to his shoulder, she followed him as they walked off. Maybe to talk, maybe to look at the sky. She had always tried her best to avoid spending time alone with him before. Not that she had been afraid of knowing who he was. But instead if he…

"Can't fly you anywhere now, you know," he told her. He jutted a thumb to his back. "Could have taken you to the stars if you wanted."

She smirked back at him. "I prefer to be grounded."

Still, she heard whispers from across the way.

"I want to continue to be by your side, just like I've been up until now."

* * *

 _When he first visited Mizuho, he heard the whispers. They rose alongside the rustling of the leaves whenever Sheena passed people by, whenever she visited the grave markers to the left of the village. "What a mistake," they would say, and it confused him, because who else deserved to be called that beside himself?_

" _You just speak with the Vice-Chief for a few minutes, then leave," she told him. They passed by the humble houses, sneaking a glance within the open doorways. He saw families seated at their kotatsus, saw women walk swiftly by in their long, flowing clothes, nothing like the dresses the ladies back in Meltokio wore. Still, few gave him more than a flickering look. Instead their eyes would rivet to the shinobi that guided him._

 _Sheena kept her eyes locked forward. At the most, Zelos could always tell when a woman was hurting._

 _Not much came from the meeting with the Vice-Chief, though Zelos' knees ached terrible from the way they had to sit._

" _We are pleased the King deems us worthy to work with him," the man across from him said. Next to him, covered by shades, was another man, lying on a mat. He had purple robes, and the skin on his face was wrinkled and pale. He noticed that Sheena's gaze kept going over to him specifically._

" _Sure, just keep doing what you do," Zelos assured the Vice-Chief. "And I'll keep putting in a good word for you. Just gotta say, you started off great by sending Sheena to me!"_

 _He heard a scoff from behind. "Idiot."_

 _Still, when they made their way to leave the village, those same whispers and grumblings came back. "Murderer," one woman whispered as she worked their small fields. It had been so faint, and Sheena was far. But with the Orb now locked back onto his chest, he could hear the secrets of Mizuho more clearly than anything._

 _Here was a side of her that she never wanted to show. Especially not to him._

 _Hands in his pockets and with a practiced smile, he continued to follow her out of the gate. There was nothing of her that could ever make him turn away – not when he had spent nearly all his life looking in the mirror._


End file.
